Scoobymac21 (original poster new member #83638) posted at 8:58 PM on Saturday, May 3rd, 2025
When your partner is caught out either in a emotional or physical affair what do they admit to? Also what would you describe being physical with the other man ?
Brittn ( member #84766) posted at 9:06 PM on Saturday, May 3rd, 2025
When caught, in my experience, she admitted with what she was caught doing and denied all else. If you catch her making out with a coworker, she is likely to say that this is all she did, and it’s the first time ever. Lots of reasons for that if she wants to preserver her relationship with you. She will try to minimize, I expect. Why wouldn’t she?
What is a physical infidelity? I think romantic hand holding, kissing is full on infidelity, in my opinion. Sex as well, of course.
AnnieOakley ( member #13332) posted at 10:59 PM on Saturday, May 3rd, 2025
Scooby, you asked this same question in your threads last September and October and got several responses.
Why don’t you give us an update as to where you are today.
What has changed?
[This message edited by AnnieOakley at 11:01 PM, Saturday, May 3rd]
Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:18 PM on Sunday, May 4th, 2025
The question you have to answer is,
'How much of the truth has my WS revealed?'
Annie Oakley hit the bull's eye with her questions.
How are you?
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
annb ( member #22386) posted at 12:45 PM on Monday, May 5th, 2025
When I confronted my WH, he said she was just a friend. 
While I had uncovered emails that provided mostly the entire picture.
Then I got they just kissed in the car. 
I think so many cheaters minimize their actions....we just (fill in the blanks).
About a week later he admitted OW met him at his hotel room and they had sex. (I already knew this based on emails, prior to his confession, WH told me they were just fantasizing)
Although he dumped OW on D-day, there were years of TT, years he gas lit me and wouldn't give a straight answer.
IMO cheaters don't ever, ever tell the entire truth at confrontation, even with indisputable evidence. It's all about protecting themselves.
WhiteCarrera ( member #29126) posted at 3:54 PM on Monday, May 5th, 2025
Married 13 years @ D-Day in 2009. Still hanging in there (maybe by a thread sometimes)
This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 5:32 PM on Tuesday, May 6th, 2025
The minimum they think will placate you for now.
Being physical, well maybe in middle school that under shirt but over the bra. They are adults. The line between kissing and fucking is awfully thin.
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 7:24 PM on Tuesday, May 6th, 2025
Cheaters will only admit to the bear minimum of what they think you can prove.
Physical infidelity is any physical contact that your girlfriend wouldn't engage in if she knew you were watching and would disapprove. But I also consider any kind of virtual/phone sex or exchange of nudes/suggestive pictures to be physical cheating, too.
[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 7:27 PM, Tuesday, May 6th]
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
Webbit ( member #84517) posted at 9:46 PM on Tuesday, May 6th, 2025
I’m sure there are a lot of details my WH left out but holy moly there were a lot he didn’t deny either. He was kind of like a fountain of truth for one crazy moment in his life.
My WH lies (or omits the truth) a lot and for the most random and unimportant shit BUT the day and days after his A came to light he really did open up. He told me about the nudes, the poses she would send, what they did when they were sneaking around at work, the messages that he wrote, the number of times they had sex, how and when it began. He even gave me details I wish I didn’t ask like what colour underwear she wore and what positions they had sex in 🤦🏽♀️
I don’t need to know anymore even if there is any. I don’t think any other detail now would destroy me anymore than I already am 😢
RecklessForgiver ( member #82891) posted at 12:46 AM on Wednesday, May 7th, 2025
Before DDay, I confronted my spouse multiple times, giving him permission to tell me the truth.
Each time, he looked me in the eye and lied. Over the three years of on-and-off affair, I asked him point blank if there was someone else at least 4 times. I wrote up a ‘contract’ for a period of separation and discernment if he needed to figure his shit out…. I told him that I knew he was unhappy and would separate if I was the reason why…
It took an email from the AP to get him to confess.
From there it was about 4-6 weeks of detox and recovery to get to the point where he accepted the idea of radical transparency.
Once he got there, he’s been fully, brutally honest.
I know only ask if I really want to know.
Sometimes, I instead tell him what I wonder about, but also tell him I only want him to understand what I still think about.
I know think of my spouse in the affair like a junky. He was an addict chasing a high. He know feels profound shame about that period in his life.
What I need to know now is not how it felt when he was high; I need to know if he still values sobriety.
[This message edited by RecklessForgiver at 12:47 AM, Wednesday, May 7th]
