I’m not sure I have any advice other than be patient and kind to yourself. I think I was on a similar timeline as you—I found out about my husband’s affair about six months after it started, and so six months later I was staring down six months of triggers/reminders/anniversaries. Usually it turned out that the dread beforehand was worse than the experience of the anniversaries, mostly because I was still so devastated and preoccupied that I was feeling the effects of his infidelity all the time anyway. It took me over two years before the affair didn’t dominate my emotional space on a daily basis. Time is really the only thing that got me past that. Now, at five years out, the affair no longer dominates my headspace. I sometimes still feel sad about it, and I go through triggers/fears a few times a year, but life is pretty normal. My relationship with my husband has changed, but it’s pretty healthy and satisfying on the whole.
Early on, the thing that helped me most was to deliberately choose activities that were worthwhile, fulfilling, and joyful. For me, that meant spending intentional quality time with my children, doing outdoor activities, and spending time on creative pursuits. Those things didn’t cure my sadness and grief, but they gave me a vision for what a fulfilling life could be beyond/despite infidelity and betrayal. Also, reading Steven Stosny’s Living and Loving Beyond Betrayal really helped me.
Best of luck. You will get through this and find yourself on the other side. It’s just really hard, and it takes time.
