SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We even bought 2 properties here (her country) so we could "retire."

You may want to consult a local attorney about the disposition of these properties before you leave.

Don’t have sex with her after you discover. It can be legally "condoning" it if you live in a US state where you might get an "at fault" divorce.

Dude. I’m so sorry. There aren’t words, but we are here for you.

I’m so sorry. Stay strong. Avoid booze.

Thanks for the replies. I'm still here in Asia and the wife isn't aware I know. The more I re-read her text history the more I realize all her actions are to get close to him: work trips she claimed she wanted to improve her career, solo trips home to visit family, sexy work out fits, exercising after work, etc. She even wanted me to change to look like him: get more tan, grow a beard. etc. She used to hate those things on me.
Anyway, I really don't care about the property here. She pretty much owns those since I'm a foreigner. I'll call it a wash can get out of my marriage with my 401K and pension intact. Arizona is a no-fault divorce state so infidelity doesn't really matter here. We did do a covenant marriage since we both profess Christian beliefs. I can get out of the waiting period for that due to infidelity however. Anyway. Im just researching and plotting. No drinking since I tend to say what is on my mind ha ha.

And yes I'm done with sex with her. All I can think of when she touches me is revulsion at what she did with him. No hysterical bonding here. I just pretend to be tired and stressed. I don't think she minds because she sees sex with me as a chore I think.

So sorry for you.

This breaks my heart reading this. I cannot imagine marrying someone you love and learning they may not have loved you in the same way.

I hope she gets what she deserves.

As with all legal based/toned advice on this site – keep in mind it’s the worst type of advice offered and should at most be used as something to think about or contemplate further.

We did do a covenant marriage since we both profess Christian beliefs.

Just remember that marriage per se (and therefore the termination of it) is a secular thing as far as the law is concerned.
A covenant marriage requires some specific reasons for a divorce, and if your wife is reluctant to agree to your terms, she could make it difficult. The very first term that allows for a divorce is adultery. The very last term is if both agree and ask for a divorce.
Your aim might best be to get her to agree to a fair division of assets and that she agrees to the divorce. A tool to get that goal might be the threat of you filing for divorce based on adultery, and that requiring the OM to be subpoenaed to give evidence.

Keep in mind that Arizona has rather strict laws regarding expected privacy, so unless you have regular access to her phone then what you found (and copied) might not be acceptable.

Thanks for the insight. I'm not going to do anything until I get back to the United States and talk to a few lawyers. My ultimate goal is a fast divorce that is unmessy as possible.
I will notify the other betrayed spouse but I'm worried about her reaction. I'm a pretty emotionally-controlled person but I never met her. I would hate for her to physically assault my wife and just make this even more messy. In my military and law enforcement career I've seen scenarios where the betrayed spouse directs their anger only at the cheater.
I also do not need false charges of domestic violence against me. I have to make sure my duty and private weapons are secured in a distant location in case she does play that game. That could keep me riding the desk forever. Anyway, this is one big, fine mess that has kept me sleepless for almost 3 weeks.

If false charges are a concern, buy a voice activated recorder. From the moment you bring up her infidelity and divorce have it on you and running anytime you’re together.

Security cameras in the common areas of the house should also be considered if you’re going to have to be under the same roof for an extended period.