SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Ark.,

Unfortunately your story was a sad one. A whole lot of crap to live with. At the end of the day, you have to do what your inner self recognises, as the most appropriate way, for you to again live a fulfilling life.

As you move forward, keep checking in with your inner values. You will eventually come out at the other end in a better shape.

Things to remember..

The 180 is your best friend until all the emotions of your breakup concludes.
Use this time to set BIG goals. Physically, emotionally, vocationally..

Best of everything as you progress forward.

She hired a lawyer. Things hopefully won’t get bumpy. But I don’t trust her at all. I’ve heard of the horror stories of WW using past emotions and reactions of the affair against the betrayed.

Honestly just want this over with. Currently at a meeting and I have to stay at a hotel. It’s hard for me to sleep in a hotel since I found out they were using several for affairs.. my chest it tight, I feel sick everytime I walk in my room.

All the prayers, and thoughts you guys have to offer. I’ll take them.

Ark, sorry you are still having to deal with all this still. You have a lot of people here that care about you. Think about your present position as the beginning of the end. You get through this. I always have a hard time sleeping in hotel rooms. I have found Air B&B places to be more comfortable.

Keep the faith. We are all pulling for you. I've been in your shoes. Life will get so much better but it will take time.

WH blamed me...how I looked, lack of attention, everything he could possibly throw at me.

The truth is any of us BS could say that we did not get the attention, safety etc we needed. There were many times when wh did not give me the attention I would have wanted. There were many times I was not the center of his world. He was at one point a soldier and spent a good bit of time away from home.

And guess what? Most of the BS on here did not cheat.

It took me awhile of eating the blame shifting horse 🐎 poop sandwich before I realized this.

I think I missed a few pages of this thread so replied to the early part but I have found it to be best for me to take amazing care of myself. Looking back getting professional support that understands infidelity and the trauma it causes and does not blame the BS for the WS behavior was a lifeline for me.

I have said this before but looking back if I had thought of filing for divorce as a potentially two way action (able to be taken back if WS became a safe partner for me) and not one way (divorce), I would have filed earlier and protected myself from him sooner.

It's been years. I am indifferent to WH. I do not miss him. But I have seen what he is capable of and personally I choose to never be without a credible witness when dealing with WH in any way again.

I wish you peace and healing. There are some amazing people in this group. They helped me so much. Many of us have found peace, healing and even happiness despite truly aweful things we experienced.

Thank you all!

What I worry about most is starting from zero. Having to Financially recover. And how messed up it is that I’ll have to pay her every month for not doing anything wrong. But most of all, that loosing that income affects how I provide for my girls. But that money instead goes to a lying cheater.

Really gets me upset and scared

Remember to breathe. When you're feeling triggered in the hotel, when you're feeling scared about your financial future... breathe. It's going to be okay. Yeah, for a couple of years it's going to be tough going. But you're going to recovery, both emotionally and financially. You're just stuck for awhile in the hell of transition, but the silver lining is that there's always movement. Life is fluid. It's in motion. So, even during the tough times, you're on a journey to full recovery. Breathe through it. Aim for it. And document EVERYTHING along the way. You never know what might help you in court. Keep good records.

I am so truly sorry that you are going through this. You must be going through so much right now and my heart goes out to you. Please know that you are not alone in your heartbreak and reeling from the shock of betrayal from someone you love and trust. Your best friend. I really understand and empathise. My thoughts are with you.

My advice would be what has helped me. I got counselling for myself and that really helped as it stopped me blaming myself and gave me insight into my ex partners issues. I thought it was me, but really the issues were his, that gave me great relief. Get support where ever you can, counselling, helplines, trusted friends.

For me it helped, the more I talked, the more it helped. But please know that the issue lies with them and their own issues/commitment issues.

Take good care of yourself. I have decided with my ex that unless they start therapy I will not meet. Maybe therapy will help. Sending you a hug and please look after yourself, do the things we find hard, eat well, be kind to yourself. Go gently with yourself. X

Chamomile tea. That was a beautiful analogy of water that you used. A beautiful thought for not only Ark, but us all.

Ark, we all can move with/through this.

Water has so much benefits. There is so much that can be developed with it in mind.

Ark,
My heart goes out to you. I have followed your story from the beginning. You have done an amazing job. You have a plan - work it. Prayers for you and your daughters. 🙏

I just wanted to add that I know how it feels to carry on at work like nothing has happened. To have to be strong. It’s really hard. It can feel very isolating. But you will get through this, everyday (even if we don’t know it) we are getting a little stronger. And we are moving forward. X

It’s not going to a lying cheater. It’s for your children. Always remember that.

Not that it's important at this stage, but what happened to the AP and his wife? Did they divorce? It sounds like that was where they were heading when you last mentioned them.

What I worry about most is starting from zero. Having to Financially recover. And how messed up it is that I’ll have to pay her every month for not doing anything wrong. But most of all, that loosing that income affects how I provide for my girls. But that money instead goes to a lying cheater.

There's a saying that divorce is so expensive, but totally worth it. I recall decades ago meeting a older co-worker who had to delay retirement by 10 years due to divorce. Yet he was still super happy that he divorced.

Ark, how are you doing?