Am I overreacting on this, or is it over?

My husband had an affair 2 years ago when he was away for the year for work. Our marriage was strained by the distance, and leading up to that year it was strained by the stress of having 2 young kids and his busy job, so it was a wobbly foundation at the time. I found out on my own after suspecting something. He lied every time I confronted him, and up until the moment I showed him the proof. I had always considered him to be exceedingly honest, so the lying was one of the hardest parts for me. It changed my sense of reality. While I’d always been certain I’d leave if he cheated, I chose to stay. I did it because his remorse was real, his apologies were sincere, and because he was a good person who did a bad thing, rather than a bad person. I also stayed because we have 2 young kids, and his is our sole income. I can’t pretend that logistical reasons didn’t play a role. With a lot of intense work, we did get stronger. He so clearly regretted it and worked so hard to make it up to me. He became a better partner and dad, and I felt very confident in my decision to stay, and even grateful that I had.
Yesterday, I got an anonymous email from a coworker of his that he is cheating on me again. The actual physical act of cheating wasn’t known by the person, but they said he’s been flirting and inappropriate with her, with clear intent to cheat. When I confronted him, he denied it vehemently, but I could tell he was hiding something. After much denying, he finally admitted that while he hasn’t cheated physically, he did text with this person and then delete the texts so I wouldn’t see. He denies that there was anything "inappropriate" in them, but of course, why delete them if he doesn’t feel guilty about something. And why lie about it. I do believe that nothing physical has happened with this person, but the lying has broken my trust once again. Especially after I even reminded him how much worse it was the last time when he wasn’t honest, and he still lied this time until he couldn’t anymore. I genuinely don’t want this marriage to be over. We have been so happy the last year, worked so hard to get here, and have so much on the line. But I feel like at this point, he’s forcing my hand. How can I stay with someone I don’t trust, who has put me in this position yet again. Sure, he didn’t cheat in the same way he did last time, but he lied and concealed and has brought me right back into all the trauma from before. But then again, how do I go?

5 comments posted: Tuesday, May 6th, 2025

Stay at home mom divorce/separation prep

Any SAHMs out there end up leaving their WHs? What do you have to do to prep for that, financial and job-wise?

3 comments posted: Tuesday, May 6th, 2025