SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

All of the straight to the point advice is appreciated, and I am digesting it.

To be clear about some facts pertaining to my particular situation:

the PA that she had via phone sex 6 wks ago was with an out of state friend of 20+ years. He is married, and has one child. I have not made any contact with him or his wife.

The EA is with a divorced man who has been a family acquaintance for about 4 years through our children’s school. Our contact with him has increased gradually over time as our children have grown to be closer friends. My examination of phone records shows an increase in messaging between them over the last 3-5 months. I don’t have any concrete proof that their communication is flirtatious or sexual, and of course that has been denied by my WW. I agree that regardless of the content, a line has been crossed. My wife and I have discussed the issue twice in the last two weeks. I have not confronted the OP.

I have intermittently been on meds in the past for depression, and wanted to see my old psychiatrist, but alas he is retired, so I selected someone from his practice. I did not include that information in my original post, and I see that it reads like depression and anxiety are new to me. I have my first (ever) IC appointment 4 days from now.

I am reading NOT "Just Friends." Thanks to the many who have suggested it.

At the moment I feel better about me, having spoken out loud with my psychiatrist about my situation, and having written about it. There’s a beneficial effect from the exercises of speaking and listening and writing that helps to process it all. Thanks again for the feedback.

What you are describing about the friend is known as grooming. It is a method predators befriend a woman or child and they become the ultimate best friend. After a time the victim genuinely is in love with the predator and before they know it they are in a sexual situation.

Even guys that look like bridge trolls that use this approach can go through a work place and be screwing several coworkers and have more on the string.

You need to call the guy right now and tell him that if he keeps stalking your wife you will seek a restraining order

It doesn’t matter if your wife is texting some guy "friend" 75x a day for the last few months and it’s "nothing" or it’s harmless.

She is still cheating.

She doesn’t include you in the texts.

She does it despite your telling her you don’t appreciate her spending time focused on some other guy.

She’s addicted to the "thrill" she gets from the attention and interaction she gets from him.

She is acting like a middle school kid with their first crush - and she doesn’t want to acknowledge the disrespect and lack of attention she is giving you.

You know it’s "wrong" b/c she won’t show you the texts and does it w/out including you in the text exchanges.

You are not over reacting and you are not wrong. My H tried to okay off his first 4 year EA as "she’s a friend". Yup she was a "friend" trying to have an affair with my H. It was obvious. But my H loved the attention and refused to stop being "friends" (before texts and cell phones).